Currently Listening to: Pearl by Julia Wolf
As someone who went to a PWI in high school and had a strict parental figure, I didn't have the typical high school experience. Growing up, I always watched shows that glorified the high school experience, and I looked forward to experiencing the fun aspects of it, such as sneaking out, partying, hooking up, being out late with my friends, and just constantly being in drama. I didn't get much of those experiences when I was younger, especially the ones I wanted.
Being raised by a strict Caribbean mom who kept an overly watchful eye over me due to an older sibling's wild teenage years is not for the faint of heart. And while my teenage years were fun, due to these circumstances, I was severely emotionally and socially stunted. Even now, I may be miles behind my former classmates, and while I am catching up as the years go on, it took a lot of work and depressive episodes to get me here.
I wasn't sneaking out, I wasn't partying, I wasn't hooking up, and I had a strict 4:30 pm curfew (and school ended at 3:15; isn't that fun?), and I wasn't allowed to go to sleepovers (which I was mad about, but not too much, honestly; some people are gross). Giving myself the utmost credit, I can say that I was a pretty calm kid - I was, and still am, a bookworm; I don't enjoy drinking that much, and I smoke even less. I do all of these things still, but even when I don't, I still have a hell of a time when I'm out. But the real psychological damage started when, in the rare case I would be allowed to go, on the day I would have to say I couldn't anymore, when I stopped being invited out, when my friends would have to watch me get screamed at for staying later at school, even when studying. It's especially daunting when everyone except you has stories to share. What exactly am I going to say? "Oh, so fun that you hooked up with this kid from another school at a random party last night. I switched from cable to Netflix... fun stuff." Not the best comparison.
But now that I am in or nearing my mid-20s, I look back on high school fondly. I still had my fun, I had my friends, and later on I claimed my freedom. Quarantine was a time for me to catch up mentally; I got therapy, gained new interests, became more educated, and did what I wanted which led to me figuring out I had an interest in anthropology and linguistics which then led to learning a new language, and traveling and living in a new country. I partied; I reconnected with my passions, and I got cooler through having fun.
Also, I live at the top of an apartment complex in NYC; the fire escape is not in my room, so where am I sneaking off to?
I had a conversation with my friend a couple of weeks ago, and I told him that I feel more like a stereotypical teenager now than I ever did when I was that age, and I still stick to that. I have the money to buy what I want, I work cute (almost stress-free) jobs, and I can go on my vacations when I want. I finished school, so every day feels like summer vacation. And I dress cooler than ever! (I always knew that I was meant to dress like a punk from the 90s... or someone's older sibling in 2005).
While I may not speak to some people in the photos I'm about to show you, most of them hold a fond space in my heart and memory, so here are some photos of my exploits;
me circa 2026
☆ stay cool, cool girls! ☆
xoxo,
eternalcoolgirl ☆